Forgetting

I admit it, sometimes I forget that José is dead. I know there are those that will say "I never forget, every minute of every day is tainted with knowing he is dead". I don't mean that some times I leave it all behind and don't think about the loss, that's something that will never leave, but sometimes I forget that José is dead.

I will see, hear or do something and without thinking pick up my phone to text José; or I will hear a car pull up outside the house and I listen instinctively for a key in the lock; or half awake I wriggle across the bed for a cuddle. Some times I forget that José is dead.

But each time I'm left starring at the phone in my hand, that door remains closed, and the bed is cold; then I remember that José is dead.