Tired

I'm tired.

I'm tired of coping, of being strong, of being "an inspiration". I'm tired of pain and loneliness. Tired of making decisions alone and putting on a brave face. Tired of an empty house, an empty bed and meals for one.

I'm so emotionally tired my body feels heavy and drags with every step. How can nothingness be so exhausting?

Black Matter

People talk about the hole that's left when you lose a loved one.

It's not a hole, a hole suggests a nothingness.  What remains in me is something that contains its own gravity. Something so all encompassing it pulls at everything else, nothing is untouched by this dark matter. It's more a black hole; a heavy, powerful, swirling void that churns away inside trying to destabilise my grasp on life.