Ashes

What to do with my husband's Ashes? Not a question one ever wants to deal with.

It was relatively easy with Noel. He was Carlisle through and through, he had owned one home and lived practically next door to the crematorium. I remember walking around the cemetery with his mum and sister and we knew right away the area of woodland that was perfect for him.

With just family and close friends in attendance we scattered his ashes (and sprinkled some whisky) a few weeks after his death. 

It was different with José. There wasn't an obvious choice. In a way I was lucky because José and I had had a chance to discuss it, but we hadn't thought it would come so soon. I only had a 'concept' from José - he wanted his Ashes scattered in a "happy" place.

So, I knew he didn't want his Ashes interned but where is a happy place? I had asked about Hampstead Heath where he'd grown up, but he said No. He went there to be alone, not to be happy. He wanted to create a new happy place, with his own family.

When the time came José's family felt strongly that some of his Ashes should go in the two family plots. Perhaps not what José had wanted but I didn't think he'd object to a small amount in each.

Still the question of his happy place remained.

I thought about all his achievements. I could take his Ashes to Amsterdam where he ran his fastest marathon, or up one of the climbs in the tour de France (for the record I'd take him in a car not on a bike!). How about a parachute jump, or a scuba dive?

All things he enjoyed, but still places where he was alone. I needed somewhere where he was happy with other people. Somewhere that reflected more of his personality.

Then one day I woke thinking about our wedding venue. A place we had chosen for its natural beauty and history. A place close to home where we'd spent good days climbing with friends, volunteering on conservation projects, and collecting sloes for flavouring gin.

High Rocks, Tunbridge Wells. The perfect place for both José's stag do and our wedding.

We had the most beautiful wedding day at High Rocks. In a fairy tale barn with an Italian heritage, the bar even shares the same name as José's Dad. It was an amazing day. Arriving by steam train, surrounded by our friends and family, and walking through a field of Daffodils.

As soon as I'd planted this seed I knew this was the right place, and our wedding anniversary was the right date. A time and place we had been exceptionally happy.

The owners at High Rocks were exceptionally accommodating. Closing the Rocks for as long as I wanted. The Rocks were even more beautiful than I remembered. The sun shone, and we ate a wonderful meal.

We cried, we laughed and reminisced.

A happy place, a place to return again and again.